apologia

Silence blanketed us for the last 10 minutes. I kept staring at the ground, soggy from rain-sweat leaves and mud-dragged footprints. I just stared at the ground, regardless of my wet jeans impressed into the metal bench.

"I know I keep saying this, but I'm sorry. It didn't mean anything and it never will. That was the only time." He looked at me with those soft sea blue eyes, pleading his case. I felt angry, but mostly I felt sorry for the other girl, unknowing, unsuspecting. He made us both fools like a soap opera triangle.

"What's her name?" I asked, only now returning his gaze.
"Does that even matter?" He paused, "I think it was Sarah..." Sarah, poor naive Sarah, poor me. I heard him mumbling apology after apology in the background of how she didn't know that he had a girlfriend, but she did come on to him. The poor girl probably woke up the next morning, confused because he left her to rejoin reality. She didn't know better. I didn't know better. He does.

"Baby please. I've always wanted you. It was such a hard moment then. I love you. I love you so much." And I wanted to believe, so I looked into his calming eyes of five-year loving gazes. I stared so strong my eyes couldn't blink. I kept searching and searching. But all I saw was my reflection.